Coral Speaks

Did you know coral makes a popping sound? I snorkeled today and it was like the ocean was breathing-- a whole new world on the ocean floor and it made my heart so happy. 

Airport Thoughts

Traveling is one of my favorite things because it's a time where I can be quiet and contemplative. It makes me happy to get to the airport a little early and browse the book stands just in case I finish my own books, or I decide one of their books could be too much a part of my soul to part with. Books end up becoming dear friends, and I don't feel quite so alone.

Although I must say being alone suits me. There is no need to justify or compare. It's just me in my head-- which could be all sorts of hell, but sometimes if I'm lucky, it's not so hellish and is more like a chance to breathe. Although anxiety doesn't let me exist still and quiet for long, some of the times I'm most at peace are when I can just be quiet and bury myself in my books or stare out a window at the parts of the world I just pass by and never experience.

It sounds sad.

But it's not really. It's comforting being alone. No one can hurt you. No one can love you either.

I'm sure there's a balance in there somewhere and I'm just cleverly hopping from one end of the seesaw to the other. I'm a work in progress. I'll get there.

Sometimes I think about quitting my job to become a dish washer and dog trainer.
Today is one of those days.
It's one of those weeks, actually.
Sometimes I don't know why I chose to be a nurse, because it's nothing like I thought it'd be. 

The Pause

I feel like a semi colon describes this perfectly. Pause, and then action.

Tender Mercies Galore

Sometimes I stress so much.

Like 180 degrees wide.

And I try to force things into working my own way in my own time.

Sometimes it's ignorance. Other times it's just me being selfish.

Sometimes I forget that God has a handle on things.

Even when I don't.

Sometimes you're in a bind and need a place to live and the money to move there and your life feels like a mess because you don't have a place to belong. 

And then it's blatantly obvious God is working behind the scenes. Because He places a post in your Facebook feed about a lease up for grabs and you get home after stressing all day and week and month and open the mailbox to a check that covers the rent for that lease and more. All within a matter of 2 hours. And you think to yourself-- Lord why did I ever question you?

I am so slow to learn.

But I am so grateful that He teaches me.

Miracles

I remember a time when this little munchkin thought she lived in a hospital. The hospital was more home than home was. So much so, in fact, that she would be ecstatic to visit the clinic, hospital, or emergency room at any chance. 

I also remember when she lost her hair to chemotherapy and all the Ugly that came with it. I remember her carrying her infusion pump around with her. I remember her extra appendage of a PICC line in her arm-- there since I had first met her years ago when she had the chicken pox. Thinking back now, it seems so simple what made her happy; chicken broth, being held, dressing up like a princess-- she'd just climb into my arms and snuggle with me. 

I remember getting the news that the first transplant had failed and that she would need a second. I remember pleading with God for a miracle, even though He had already answered that prayer for her older sister months earlier. I hoped she would live, but I was scared she would die. Life is so fragile. Through it all she was positive and happy and even when she didn't feel well and spent the majority of her day over her friendly pink bucket, she did not complain. It was all she had ever known really; being sick.

This month we celebrated her seventh birthday. There was a time I wondered if she'd even live to see her next birthday, let alone her seventh. She's still bright eyed and happy. She's still the little champ I've always known. She still shouts my name and runs to me with her arms open when I come to visit. And I'm just so grateful I have had the chance to learn and grown with this little one and her family.

Her hugs feel like home. And her freckles kill me

Back to School

There's something about the hustle and bustle of back to school season that makes my inner child so excited. And this morning I was thinking about some of my favorite things: Crayola crayons, Ticonderoga #2 pencils, Elmer's glue, brand new pencil cap erasers, and new packs of college ruled lined paper etc. as the back to school commercials and sales pop up everywhere I look it seems.

And then it hit me. IT'S HARRY POTTER SEASON. Fall always brings the magic of Harry Potter and it starts with back to school shopping. And then the excitement of a new beginning, the familiarity of autumn and its sights, smells, and sounds. It's warm and glowing and nostalgic like jackolaterns. 

Fall has always been my favorite. Now I know why. Thanks J.K. Rowling, and Happy Birthday Harry!