Traveling is one of my favorite things because it's a time where I can be quiet and contemplative. It makes me happy to get to the airport a little early and browse the book stands just in case I finish my own books, or I decide one of their books could be too much a part of my soul to part with. Books end up becoming dear friends, and I don't feel quite so alone.
Although I must say being alone suits me. There is no need to justify or compare. It's just me in my head-- which could be all sorts of hell, but sometimes if I'm lucky, it's not so hellish and is more like a chance to breathe. Although anxiety doesn't let me exist still and quiet for long, some of the times I'm most at peace are when I can just be quiet and bury myself in my books or stare out a window at the parts of the world I just pass by and never experience.
It sounds sad.
But it's not really. It's comforting being alone. No one can hurt you. No one can love you either.
I'm sure there's a balance in there somewhere and I'm just cleverly hopping from one end of the seesaw to the other. I'm a work in progress. I'll get there.
Although I must say being alone suits me. There is no need to justify or compare. It's just me in my head-- which could be all sorts of hell, but sometimes if I'm lucky, it's not so hellish and is more like a chance to breathe. Although anxiety doesn't let me exist still and quiet for long, some of the times I'm most at peace are when I can just be quiet and bury myself in my books or stare out a window at the parts of the world I just pass by and never experience.
It sounds sad.
But it's not really. It's comforting being alone. No one can hurt you. No one can love you either.
I'm sure there's a balance in there somewhere and I'm just cleverly hopping from one end of the seesaw to the other. I'm a work in progress. I'll get there.
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