Nursing 101 Part 2

You know you're a nurse when your roommate mentions how far along she is with completing her AA and you look at her confused and ask, "You're in Alcoholics Anonymous?"

Little did you know, she meant her Associates Degree.

Nursing 101 Part 1

You know you're a nurse when...

Your client graces you with a new, hot coat of oatmeal to wear throughout your day. And you rock that fashion trend.

I am enough.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I am enough.

Today, I have decided, I will no longer be afraid of the light my God has placed within me and I will consciously share my light with all those that I can reach.

On Resolutions, Continued

Today I took an exam.

And as I looked up at the testing center screen that magically flashes my score among so many other hopeful students' grades, I cringed.

Let's just say, I've had much better exam scores.

I cried.

But if you remember correctly, I may have mentioned here that I was going to work on loving myself. I decided that I wouldn't let grades define me. I wish I could tell you I didn't define myself by my grades in that moment. But I did. I think a bazillion thoughts rushed my brain at once like the Utes rushed the Lavell Edwards Football Field. The timing was all wrong, and lets face it-- it was all kinds of poor sportsmanship. But my thoughts were eager to celebrate their victory over my self esteem.

How can I be a critical care nurse if I can't perform well on paper?

Easy. Just because I didn't answer the questions the way a professor, the NCLEX, or a textbook would want me to answer them-- doesn't mean that I am a failure.

So I picked myself back up, looked myself square in the eyes in the mirror, and told those rotten negative thoughts: "Grades do not define me."

Because they don't. Thank goodness for awesome roommates who remind me to love myself.

Now maybe I should focus on becoming a little bit more like this munchkin:

Tender Mercies Pt 1

When you pray for a parking spot on a rainy day, and God says, "Today is your lucky day, Kiddo!"

Yeah. We're tight like that.

Today was one of those days.

I'm so grateful for answered prayers and empty parking spots. As a friend of mine would say: Kudos to you God! You really nailed that one!

"There Are No Atheists in Foxholes"

“There are no atheists in foxholes.”

An aphorism.

In circumstances of fear, stress, or peril, most of us will believe and hope in a higher power. Personally, I hold onto the belief of my God in these circumstances for my own strength. The irony of it all is that I find myself a praying Christian in my foxhole when the war is raging around me; and ignorant when the world around me is calm and quiet.

I think most of us do.

There are times during this war when your fellow soldier falls; times when you think all is lost and hope is gone; times when you think there is not anything in this world that could bribe you to take one more step forward; and times when you wish you could sink and disappear in the walls of your foxhole.  And yeah, there will be times during this war when you are so consumed by all that overwhelms you that you will beg for death itself to save you from your misery. When the war seems to be too much—when you question what you're fighting for and the precious people and things that matter most to you; when nothing seems worth the cost of the war that rages outside of your foxhole: remain assured that you are never alone.

There may not be a war every day but conflicts are everywhere. We fight battles on a regular basis and bullets are fired at us from all fronts of our lives. There will always be someone or something that would like to see us to our end in a bloodbath of our own doubt and disbelief, or to stand in our way and make us believe we are nothing more than a mistake or a failure. We fight battles between good and evil, battles with our friends, with our faith, and within ourselves on a daily basis. Truth is: Life isn't always beautifully packaged and handed to you. Sometimes you have to fight for what you love and what you dream.

We forget that God is omnipotent and that He has the power to do anything. He has the power to deflect the bullets and to give us the strength we so desperately wish for when war rages. We forget that if we have faith in Him and believe in Him that we can have strength beyond our imagination.  It bothers me that when the wars aren't raging, I forget the power that God has to make my life so much better than it already is. It bothers me that I can be so quick to cleave to Him in my times of trial and affliction and that once He’s pulled me through and brought my feet safely back to the ground, that I am so quick to forget Him and all that He has done for me.

God is not just here for us to call on for strength and comfort in the sanctuary of our foxholes during times of war. He’s not just here for us when times are hard. He’s always here, and He wants to be an active part of my life; of all of our lives. Yes, when times are hard, He knows our pain. When Christ was crucified, He experienced it. I tend to forget that He has experienced and knows our joys as well. He isn't “fair-weathered”, as my friend Jamie would put it. He’s weather proof.

So today, I realized that I'm through being a "foxhole" Christian. I have been blessed with the constant comfort, strength, and guidance of God—even when there’s peace. I'm grateful for this. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

2 Timothy 2:3

On Resolutions

I know it's weird to make resolutions in March, but I'm doing it anyway. I've decided that I deserve the fresh start now, and that putting these resolutions off until January 2015 would be a mistake. You see, there have been numerous events in my life recently (the entire month of February) that have lead me to the conclusion that my priorities should be reevaluated. So, reevaluate I must.

Among these resolutions is one that I feel applies to a lot of us. In a conversation I had with my lovely roommates, I explained to them that I was reevaluating some things in my life and asked them what they felt I could improve on-- seeing as they see me on a daily basis, and live with me ( I was expecting something along the lines of showering more often or playing something else besides the Katy Perry pandora station). Well, they dropped everything (because who wants to do homework anyway?) and we had a conversation that was hard for me to come to terms with. And what they had to say had nothing to do with my music choices or my personal hygiene. 

The verdict: Self-Love

Even as they pointed this very obvious fact out to me, I attempted to deny it for an extended amount of time in our conversation. But then I recognized that I was lying to myself. And that awful feeling like a pit in your stomach took over. The truth is that I struggle with this just like almost every other girl I know. And I've decided that I don't want to live like that anymore. Here is why: 

1. I am a Daughter of God: The Creator of the Universe. He created me in His image and His likeness. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to atone for my sins in the flesh. He loves me despite my imperfections. He makes all things possible for me. If God can love me, I can love me too. 

2. I am through limiting myself. I always play myself down or play the "what if" game. And let's face it, how many times do those "ifs" really happen? It's okay to take risks. It's okay to take a leap of faith. I'm meant for so much more than what I limit myself to. 

So I'm going to start being nicer to myself.

I'm going to take my exams with the knowledge that the letter grade does not define me, my abilities as a nurse, or my IQ.  

I'm going to give myself time to heal and to build resilience. 

I'm going to stop trying to control the things that I can't control. 

And I'm going to start learning a whole lot more about myself from God's perspective. He knows me best, so I think it's about time I start submitting to His master plan and allow Him to perfect me and make me whole. 

Here's to Resolutions in March-- and for the opportunities we have to improve ourselves daily.